Starting Over

I know - I know. It's been a ridiculous amount of time since I posted. Not that I've run out of things to say (just ask my husband). It's just that I've just been going through a 1 Kings 19 kind of thing and have been weighing the value of writing at all any more. But I have come to a conclusion - my desire to share what God has done and will do needs to outweigh my fear of judgment and rejection.

So with this in mind, what to share? What to write? Yesterday, the Lord brought to mind a book of songs He gave me many, many years ago. After some searching, I found it, spent the next hour playing and relishing His love. So, I've decided to share the words of the songs with all of you. (Yikes! Even as I write this, I am getting fearful of my motives being misunderstood) No, this is not some self-serving attempt to be recognized. It is merely a way to share what I've expressed to the Lord. It is also a way for me to get back into the discipline of writing more without the pressure of being clever and interesting.

So, here I go (You know the feeling you get when you ride on a really big ferris wheel? You're strapped in-you know you're safe, but as you ride to the top and look out and your stomach jumps to the top of your throat? Yeah-that's how I feel right now as I'm poised to hit the enter button and post this. I told you it was a 1 Kings thing).

The first song is called "Holy Hand of Mercy." So as I start over, I hope that you will be blessed by the words and thoughts. Join with me and sing to the Lord a new song.

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A single lonely moment, etched within the walls.

The course of human history lost forever in a fall.

The shame that once exploded in paradise is mine,

So the pure and blameless Lamb of God stretched out His hand and died.


Chorus:
Oh holy hand of mercy, reaching out to me.

So many times I’ve fallen, so many times deceived.

The hand that holds the tears I’ve cried, the hand that heals the pain inside.

Oh, holy hand of mercy still reaching out to me.


A single lonely moment etched deep upon the page,

The seed of human deity paid full the costly wage.

The power that exploded from the cold and darkened grave.

That mighty hand of mercy still reaching out to save.


Chorus:
Oh mighty hand of mercy, holding up my life

So many times I’ve chosen to walk outside your light.

The hand that holds my bleeding heart, his touch of light has pierced my dark

Oh mighty hand of mercy still reaching out to me.


Bridge:

A glorious reunion when all is face to face.

To finally know and understand to finish in the race.

At last to kneel before the feet that bears the scars of love for me.

What joy to see the Son of Man and place a kiss upon that hand.


Chorus:

Oh holy hand of mercy reaching out to me.

So many times forgiven, so many times released.

The hand that holds the tears I’ve cried, the hand that heals the pain inside.

Oh holy hand of mercy, still reaching out to me.

What Have I Learned?

As the new year begins, I always take the time to reflect on what I have learned in the past year. What has life taught you? What have you learned from the Lord? Let's keep adding to the list.

Life has taught me to fear.
You have taught me to be brave.

Life has taught me to doubt.
You have taught me to trust.

Life has taught me to worry.
You have taught me to rest.

Life has taught me to retreat.
You have taught me to be a warrior.

Life has taught me that my worth is measured by the acceptance of my accomplishments.
You have taught me that my worth is not contingent on what I do, but is measured by the scope of Your limitless love and what You have already done.

Help me, Lord, to remember and to walk in what I’ve learned.

Psalm 139

I've been thinking about this blog lately and realized that it's been way too long since I've shared my heart. I have been in a contemplative place lately with God - weighing, sifting - reviewing. A good thing ... difficult at times, but necessary. I came across this little song that the Lord gave me many years ago and thought I'd share it. No, you won't hear me singing or even know the tune, but read it over with the Lord - create your own melody - sing in the spirit. Make it your prayer.

Psalm 139

Search me, oh God, and know my heart. Test me and know my anxious mind.

Search me, oh God, and know my heart. Show me where I'm blind.

Seek out the bitter ways in me that hold my aching heart.

Lead me in Your everlasting ways that lead to where you are.

You know when I rise and when I leave. You know every time I've been deceived.

Before it began deep in the womb, You loved me even then.

If I should rise upon the wings of dawn or leave and go astray.

I could never run far from Your love or from Your wondrous ways.

Seek out the bitter ways in me that hold my aching heart.

Lead me in Your everlasting ways that lead to where You are.

Search me, oh God, and know my heart. Test me and know my anxious mind.

Search me, oh God, and know my heart.

Show me where I'm blind.

"For You created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know them full well." Ps. 139: 13-14

He will not Forsake You

Lately, I have been surrounded by doubts – oh, not the BIG doubts as to whether God exists or if I’m saved, but the little doubts that creep in, like: am I putting my hands to what God would have me do or am I just wandering aimlessly? And if I am in God’s will, why does it seem like He has disappeared in the work – where is the evidence of His approval – the blessings, the success?

Yes, I’m looking for the blessings – there, I admit it. When it comes to business affairs, it seems that the accepted meter of whether or not God is in it or that you are right with God is success.

When you pour your heart (and money I might add) into something for two years, and it appears that you are sinking fast, do you continue – stay the course?

I suppose that if I knew without reserve that I was definitely following God’s lead I would continue no matter what happened. But along the way, I have found that I am not so sure anymore. Everyone cites the economy – bad time to grow a business – but I’ve always believed that God is above the unpredictability of the economy. I really do believe it.

So this morning in my angst over failing financial statements and bleak prospects, I stopped listening to the voices of fear and doom and gloom and went to God’s word. I was willing to have Him tell me – “Look, you’ve strayed, you missed it – you’re not only off base, you’re in another game altogether.”

But in His quiet, still small voice, He ministered to my fear of failure, my fear of abandonment – my fear of disappointing Him.

I pray you will let His words of life into your fear today.

“…acknowledge and learn about, recognize, experience, and confess the God of your father, and serve him, be tilled like the soil for him with wholehearted devotion, with complete and perfect peace and with a willing mind, emotion, appetite, and passion that delights in God, for the Lord searches and seeks with care every heart – the soul, the understanding, the mind, and the will and understands, discerns, perceives and regards every motive and purpose behind your thoughts, plans, inventions, and purposes.

If you seek, resort to, frequent, and consult him, he will be found by you; He will acquire and fall in with you; but if you forsake, leave, abandon, forsake, neglect, and depart from him, he will reject and spurn you forever because of the stench of your sin. Consider now, perceive, regard, give attention to, watch, learn, observe, and have vision for the Lord has chosen and selected you to build up and establish a family and rebuild a house as a sanctuary and sacred place. Be strong, prevail, be firm, be secure and do the work – accomplish it, act with effect, produce, prepare, attend to, and bring it about it.

All this, said David, the LORD made me understand, to have insight and comprehension in writing – every character and letter - by his hand, strength, and power upon me, even all the works, business and service of this image and pattern.

Be strong, firm, bold, be caught fast – and give strength and be courageous, solid, brave, determined and do, produce, make, and attend to the work.

Do not be afraid or feel dread nor be discouraged, broken, shattered, and afraid, for the Lord God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you, let you sink or withdraw from you; He will not forsake, desert, abandon or neglect you … “ I Chronicles 28: 9-10; 19-20

May I have This Dance?

I had a dream last night. Images from my past – high school days and friends – mostly just silly fleeting faces and situations. But toward the end of the dream, I was sitting on the ground at a gas station playing my guitar. Someone heard me and stopped their car by the side of the road and made suggestions about how I might change the tuning to make the sounds more substantial. I agreed and started to play a song that I made up on the spot.

During what I remember to be the chorus, I heard sweet harmonies blending with my voice. Although I don’t really remember all the words, I knew that the song was a sorrowful love song – I was singing the depths of my heart. I could hear myself sing the last words of the song – “Why don’t you dance with me” as clear, now awake, as when I was dreaming.

This morning as I thought about my dream, the words kept mulling around my heart. When I sat down to spend time with the Lord, the words kept coming back to me – Why don’t you dance with me?

My heart stared to break when I realized that it was the Lord’s voice asking me this. He wanted to “sweep me off my feet” and take me in His arms and rejoice not only with me but in me.

You speak to me: Come away with me, just for a while. Let me take your weary hand in mine. Let me hold you close.

Lord, I release my hold on myself. I repent of the way I’ve delighted in the dance of the world.

I close my eyes and see You take my hand in Yours. The music begins. You hold me close and whisper in my ear, “May I have this dance?”

Jeremiah 2:2: I remember the devotion of your youth, how as a bride you loved me and followed me through the desert, through a land not sown.

Let Go and Hold On

I was going through my Bible this morning and found this list that I had made a while ago. I remember back in the 70's when I first got saved people always used to say to me, "Let go and let God." It sounded right to me -very neat and catchy - but I really didn't know what it meant - really meant. Let go of what? Let God do what?

Afetr more than 38 years knowing Jesus, I am still learning what letting go and letting God means in my life. Here are just a few of the things the Lord has shared with me:

Let go of transitory feelings and hold on to the depth of My Love.
Let go of hate – hold on to love
Let go of unforgiveness – hold on to mercy
Let go of judgment – hold on to understanding
Let go of lies – hold on to truth
Let go of apathy – hold on to passion
Let go of shortsightedness – hold on to possibility
Let go of limits - hold on to dreams
Let go of can’t – hold on to can
Let go of weakness – hold on to strength
Let go of uncertainty - hold on to determination
Let go of hopelessness – hold on to hope
Let go of blindness – hold on to vision
Let go of fear – hold on to safety
Let go of confusion – hold on to clarity
Let go of rebellion – hold on to acceptance
Let go of carelessness – hold on to purpose
Let go of insecurities – hold on to worth
Let go of anger – hold on to peace
Let go of regret – hold on to respect
Let go of insensitivity - hold on to gentleness
Let go of heartlessness - hold on to patience
Let go of malice - hold on to kindness
Let go of resentment – hold on to benevolence
Let go of pity – hold on to empathy
Let go of doubt – hold on to belief
Let go of humiliation - hold on to grace
Let go of captivity - hold on to salvation
Let go of the past – hold on to the future
Let go of the tears – hold on to the joy

Let go and be free My child, and hold on for the ride of your life

I AM the Light of the World

I was meditating on the things of God the other day and I felt him say to my heart, “I am the Light of the world.” I thought, Wait aren’t we the light of the world? Again I heard, “I am the Light of the world.” Because this was different from the scripture in the New Testament (Mt. 5:14), I was set back some. You always need to check what you’re hearing to what God has already said.

So because I realized that the Lord was not simply stating scripture and wanted me to understand something else, I started to meditate and ask God what He meant by the phrase “I am the Light of the world” and what He wanted me to get out of it.

The first thing that came to mind when thinking about the phrase was that when Moses asked God His name, He said, “I Am who I Am” (Ex. 3:14). He is the eternal, self-existent One. Lord, you are the great I Am, the Lord over all creation. Help me to give my life to you today as a living sacrifice and as an act of worship. Too many times I seem to get absorbed into the busyness of my day and forget who God really is and how He wants to express His eternal love in the everyday things of my life. Yes, Lord, You are the great I Am. Now help me to understand what You mean by light of the world.

I started thinking how the very first thing God created was light (“Let there be light” Genesis 13). The Lord brought me to the idea of how the presence and absence of light affects us - the necessity of light for life. I thought about it for a few days – a few very gray days – and realized that on the days when the sun was not shining, it was harder for me to get going and harder to stay motivated. I am definitely one of those people who gets affected by lack of light. I love the sun. I feel better when it’s shining. I feel more motivated, even healthier. I know, I know – skin cancer and all, but even the medical community is now saying that we should expose ourselves fifteen minutes a day to the sun without sunscreen so our bodies can absorb vitamin D.

Consider this article that discusses the connection between the lack of light and depression:

The association between darkness and depression is well established. Now a March 25 study in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences reveals for the first time the profound changes that light deprivation causes in the brain.

Neuroscientists at the University of Pennsylvania kept rats in the dark for six weeks. The animals not only exhibited depressive behavior but also suffered damage in brain regions known to be underactive in humans during depression. The researchers observed neurons that produce norepi-nephrine, dopamine and serotonin—common neurotransmitters involved in emotion, pleasure and cognition—in the process of dying. This neuronal death, which was accompanied in some areas by compromised synaptic connections, may be the mechanism underlying the darkness-related blues of seasonal affective disorder.

Principal investigator Gary Aston-Jones, now at the Medical University of South Carolina, speculates that the dark-induced effects stem from a disruption of the body’s clock. “When the circadian system is not receiving normal light, that in turn might lead to changes in brain systems that regulate mood,” he says.*

OK, Lord, I get it now, what you wanted me to know. That you are the great I Am and without the sustaining power of your light, the essence of your greatness and power, I will be negatively affected – the world will be negatively affected. Light is necessary for health – in the natural and in the spiritual.

Thank you Lord for your desire to speak to my heart, my soul and my mind.

*http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=down-in-the-dark
(Editor's Note: This story was originally printed with the title "Down in the Dark")